You know whats fucking scary? The fact that I could literally change my life at any moment. I could stop talking to everyone that makes me unhappy. I could kiss whoever i want. I could shave my head or get on a plane or take my own life. Nothing is stopping me. The entire world is in my hands, and I have no idea what to do with it.
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Tag: life goals
What we were put on this earth to do
To disclaim, there’s an infinite amount of religious sides of myself out there. This isn’t one of them. This is just a quote.
“This world is not a place where we can be happy. It wasn’t created for man’s happiness, though many believe this is the reason of our existence. I think we are here to fight, so that good and evil can clash within us, and good may prevail, thus enriching us spiritually. It’s difficult to say whether we are happy or not: it doesn’t depend on us… There are times when one regrets being born, but life also gives us surprising things that, alone, are worth living. The issue of happiness doesn’t exist for me: happiness as such doesn’t exist.”
Andrei Tarkovsky
When I first read this I couldn’t even feel it. I let it pass by like a stranger in a corridor- like an indoor breeze. I still don’t feel it going through me. It’s left on this page, exhumed from my original save point (a tumblr draft) and taken to this blog in hopes of a restoration toward a time when I can read it and know.
anew
apply for jobs you’re not qualified for! audit upper-level classes! get drunk with your TAs! see that poster advertising that lecture series? go there take notes and ask questions! thank the presenter for talking about this topic you love! if the class is full before you register, email the professor and ask if they can squeeze you in! RAISE YOUR HAND! tell the disability accomodation office to do their goddamn job! ask for help! file complaints! go to class in your pajamas and destroy the reading! you got this! you KNOW you got this! be arrogant enough to learn EVERYTHING! take your meds! punch a velociraptor in the dick! fear is useless and temporary! glory is forever! shed your skin and erupt angel wings! help out! spread your sun!
i had a really good morning! you deserve a really good morning! kill anyone who says you don’t and build a throne from their bones!
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dumpster diving
On Friday January 22nd Hofstra University in partnership with an undisclosed artist revealed a new art installation in the vacant lot behind Breslin Hall and the Lawrence Herbert School of Communication.
The pieces are part of an attempted renaissance of Hofstra’s campus to address the university’s abysmal lack of sufficiently productive art installations.
Last semester students reported experiencing a mildly wet lacrimal occurrence only once every 33 steps
when passing the existing 55-odd “sculptures” across Hofstra’s campus.
The university’s newest addition to its otherwise insipidly barren landscape breathes fresh, sometime smelly, air into the desiccating corpse of Hofstra.
Mother, please stop farting. Mother you’re stinking up the whole can.
The provocative installation consists of two 8 x 5’ adjacent assemblies of spatial solids adorned with deviously simplistic illumines of green and grey. *
*Editor’s Note: They’re dumpsters.
By placing the two pieces next to each other, the artist throws into question the question. Like will this succeed? * Am I missing something? Will this deteriorating body attract Public Safety?
*As in fucking the dumpster. He is trying to fuck the dumpster.
Similar questions, of the necessarily erotic, of motherly affection, of motherly love, care, sickness and of bodily death, of timeless iniquity deprived infinite rage, of vindication, why the fuck won’t this trash bag open I know there’s a half-full Boosted bottle of Naked Guava smoothie in here I saw it I saw it thrown away by some bottle-necked glasses snicker-wannabe in Breslin’s second-story men’s Bathroom, of shoes, shit and of life after corporeal cessation are suggestions of critical insight by the piece’s reflection on late 1970s dialogue. *
*Here he is talking about reviving his mom.
Bananas I ate early in the quest for the right home space feng shui came in use later, but I never knew where to put those peels so I settled their uses as duplicate: for the nervous digestion and the preparation of self-destruction ready to receive. *
*Penetration.
Never quite got that banana peel pile placement right…
The art! The art surpasses boundaries of modern discursive thought with its remarkable handling of form… a sentient structure active and still-born in modernism’s embryonic fetus bag. No, no I’m sorry, amniotic sac. I meant amniotic sac.
Time has gotten away from me…
My final moments with my mother came with a rumor that she had expired now and her brain had latched onto the loveless bond of a hospital waste basket.
My mother’s body never meant much to me, but it provided physical comfort, however shallow, in the days after her soul’s untimely departure.
I mean the mortal sequins of existential refuse kept me busy for a couple days before the men in squatters’ uniforms* came in their greenish-tan-greenish tan band skin suits looked me up and locked its copy crying man tears but I’m not no man I’m a continuous reversal of excrement and its suit is only of green and grey back metal.
*Public Safety found former Hofstra sophomore Tommy Gretchen, a film major with a minor in philosophy, living in the dumpsters behind Breslin and Herbert after an alarming smell drew crowds of Hofstra cats, a raccoon and senior faculty from the Fine Arts Department. Upon discovery, Gretchen, like the raccoon, fled in a scurry of shrill screams and frantic movements. He left behind a collection of Naked Juice bottles semi-formed into a shape resembling a giant plastic dildo, piles of banana peels and the rotten remains of an unidentified body. Gretchen first went missing in the days following his mother’s untimely death on January 22nd, 2016.
@majortom That nail-rod shitter brought un-famed techno-gofers to the grape farm one day, January 22nd, and they stunk up the whole breach not much like these two fecund greyish greenish grey lollipop incubators which happened to be just the right size for charging my banana poppers… *
*Penis? Penises? Unclear.
And I did, oh yes I did, I charged those banana poppers.
Finally,
Warholian containers of stilted green and grey metal shouted,
MONTBLANK PENS ARE BETTER YOU PIECE OF SHIT
to me yesterday, January 23nd, and it stood up too, opening the wide sky to shine its glancing venereal juicer down on my poor mortal eyes. *
*Fucked BY the dumpster? Unclear.
My feeble salt and paper cracker mind split right down its meridian axis to vacant loose ghost holes now open to the entrance of my loosely plagiarized experiment- the art can of macro-seeking genesis peeled inside itself past to deposit my poor mother’s soul into me* -and I became pregnant with her eternal essence .it came like a flood into my causal statis-chamber, my I belly belly
*Here he is being fucked by the dumpster.
Now six months in I’m still on the miraculous train lavishing the Newest Hofstra Installation, but from afar it doesn’t look too good, I Can barely track the carnal doings of metal waste baskets from my telescope twenty two feet about the watchtower* it’s obligatory with all the tans skin suits runnin around, but the man is still running and I’m keeping the saint alive, oh my poor old Mother’s soul.
*Gretchen’s current whereabouts are unknown.
was this the easy part?
A couple days back I laid down on my sister’s bed and showed a cheesy life-organizing tip I’d seen on Youtube. You can see the same video here. It’s just a silly map of the areas in your life you prioritize and want to improve on. They start off very basic and general (e.g. health) so it’s unequivocally agreed upon as an area in need of improvement- incredibly helpful for the indecisive/unsure of life passions person. Then the process is simply breaking down the area into smaller areas and then those areas into even smaller areas, until the action is suitable enough for a step-by-step to-do. So the point of the method is to transform complex, nebulous life goals into a singular and (hopefully) simplistic action. So I showed this to Susan with sheer jubilance- I had been on a motivational binge. Tangential info: I say I like self-help without the part where I actually help myself. Half goofy statement? 
Under the bubble labeled “Art” I had broken it down to a list of areas I wanted expertise in: painting, drawing, writing. With the first action under the general “Art” I wrote about spending 30 minutes a day blogging. After considering the other steps/areas in the sphere of art I noted to the side of this first step: “EASY!!” and wrote “difficult :(” next to improving my painting skills.
A lot of the times spending time thinking and planning a task ends up misplacing proper attention towards the accoutrements that might accompany the task. Instead of being optional aids to the task itself, they become surrogates for the initial purpose. It’s kind of like Instagram creating Stories, a secondary medium screwing over the first. I’ve realized these are some kind of comfort for me, a bracing mechanism for the torrent that is simple action-since my nature state seems to lodge itself in the murky realm of passivity in uncertainty. In a way I must create these barriers myself, brick walls that could otherwise just be open blue. And a breeze shakes through the cracks! That’s me right now, at 2:31 am in my university’s 24/7 computer lab. It’s a way to stave off my discomfort at being in another strange place in another week.
So I’m moving the stone. There are enough of me’s in this weird brain to me myself out of me enough to maybe me me into this-another me. And then the wind stops to open space still-on the edge of simple eruption. *
*I love dashes.
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