written thrift haul!

Absolutely stunned at the amount of clothes I got yesterday. A mix of work wear, falls moods, and an abundance of jackets and coats. First off, I have hanging in front of me a gray coverall from Dickies! It is slightly small but would look with black boots. The curves ? at the arm remind me of Kiko designs.

I also got

  • a gray oversized blazer with shoulder pads and a slightly brown and white threading throughout that makes the gray have a bit more dimension. The sleeves reach my hands.
  • a white button up with a cuff that’s extra long, similar to a style I saw on H&M for $50. It’s pristine, but very wrinkly and I’m afraid to stain it. It looks great under the two workwear coats I got.
  • a thick canvas workwear jacket – it feels very heavy and tightly woven and is beige.
  • an oversized denim workwear jacket – a similar shape and form to the canvas jacket but heavier and is dark blue that’s satisfyingly rich.
  • a Tommy Hilfiger leather jacket with lapels and two front pockets. the inside has a green plaid insert where the label is and the jacket’s weight is incredible. It is wrinkled, but getting better I think.
  • a silk black jumpsuit from the label SHEIN, which I’ve seen on Youtube as a casual clothing brand. It has skinny fit legs that I plan to cut into single slits.
  • a puffer vest with an alternating chevron pattern that’s small and interesting to look at. I’m the last person who would wear a puffer vest but it was such an interesting pattern in black and white that it almost feels like it could go with anything.
  • a woven lace sweater – hand woven apparently – made with thick yarn in olive, nude, and white. It’s a to-die-for layering piece and has the resemblance of flowers protruding across it in bunches of yarn.
  • a velvet forest green blazer that’s slightly 70s and is a whole vibe.
  • an enormous leather trench jacket that’s near my ankles – the silhouette is dramatic. It’s puffy with layers and a slit in the middle of the back that closes when you’re still but opens when you walk. Its layers don’t make it stuffy, and it has got a good amount of movement while keeping its form.
  • another massive coat – this one a black trench with utility belts at the cuffs and around the coat. It seems to have an impossible number of pockets.
  • a lighter coat with lots of zippers! Actually my first and favorite find in this haul. Also near floor length.
  • another leather jacket! Last one. It is not floor length. It’s long and thin. The form hugs the body and serves sleek Matrix vibes. The back of the collar is slightly scrunched.
  • another huge black coat! A very puffy puffer jacket that’s super shiny and has a hood and bomber jacket elastics at the collar and cuffs.

and I believe that is all.


AG Aftermath

There was nothing more devastating than finding out that the poetry project was, essentially, over. My connection with Allen (I can call him Allen now right?) has become deeper, so deep, like the Mariana Trench, I can’t pull myself out. So much, so much admiration, the portrayal of him in various guises (Radcliffe, Franco), they all make me more devoted. This connection was something fabricated by an official project, with a number attached to it, a grade, something quantitative. But know I find the problem of overcoming this vapid need to excel at a school paper, I mean it’s something that I expended many hours developing, but in the end, the paper (and project) didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, because whatever happens, this assignment was a starting point. GROUND ZERO, of my own formulation. Of ideas, my philosophy, moral code, just the ability to express all these is my only obstacle now. Indeed, a powerful opponent, self-improvement will either come gradually, or unbelievably fast. Probably the latter, in any case, come it will. To speed it up, I need to divulge my own self—to the world! Just like Ginsberg, I don’t want to be a “grotesque” creature anymore, skulking in the back alleys of my lucid mind. I have to live this lifestyle, my own beliefs-asserted onto reality. The reverberation will be shocking. I can’t find myself now though, without the help of continued reading, researching, studying, exploration. Even this week, the next—a perpetual stream of journeys into the unknown and specious-knowns. GROUND ZERO will always be this project, the things that came with it, all the stuff, will be cataloged. The information; the bios, critiques, love for this poet. The movies. I don’t know if I’ve become anything other than a fanatic, but the labels don’t phase me. Or maybe they do, “don’t hide the madness”. “Howl” is a prophecy, his legacy, YOUR legacy, Allen, has become eternal. Even so long after your death, a year before my conception, you impact the youth today. Me, someone else, the actors of Kill Your Darlings, the actors in Howl, the people associated with these productions. Lovely people, scattered all over the nation, with hidden faces-not hidden. I feel for their blazing hearts, my yearning heart, to relate and make love, to form relations. For in my societal impression, I am lonely. Inward and outward, these things are the same. So I can make myself happy=? But happiness is overrated (Chris Ware) and life is but a passage between those two doors. Eclipsed with a SLAM or gentle -click-….on the linoleum floor, -click-, -clack-, -click-, -clack-, and the ballet slippers slip slop slide down the corridor. Without a sound, no one knows where it goes-to the street, or out of town. I can’t tell, for I don’t know, this special place, I linger towards.

Intelligent and grounded, these two words stuck out of the five used to describe Dan by Dane. And I could see that. They laughed as the halcyon atmosphere took me in. They talked about Keats, Keats and Vonnegut (Dane’s) and I thought of Shelley. Only because of the elegy-read in KYD. 

and you just breath, it comes easily

it rhymes, or not

with spaces, so like the pie

cherry i feel disconnected, nowhere to go-

but onward

societial netwinteraction

There’s a dent in my mind, the quiet place that heeds slumbering masters of the disease of the of d meaningful dentention centers of America. In front of almighty figure-like sums in gestural in larking seed parts loom it. I indented on all walls from door to door coast to coast across the nation in a single stride. #atronald

we seek no empowering forces to strengthen anything-of the pot on trial. Stand and shake hands the corporal said to us lazy marks. Don’t let the paint dry because it can and will leak in abundance leaving streaks of maneuver-ments in our crouch-areas. Don’t being the commentary. Large baby suits in plastic neon wraps inverted on the table/the sky losing medication slipping altogether, seeing bright lights lance in slowmotion through flaming hoops of divinity enshrined – can’t make a lazy doll biehtout the necessary ingredients Ifeel the slight disturbance and it’s only outside towards the working nation

on race, raciness and cum

NSFW – on race, raciness and cum

on masturbation, infantilism and the courage to cum (lol)

on cum, c(um)oming out and closeting oneself

When I cum, I come into my own dissolution of power. When I cum I scream, out loud, to the chorus of wondering lights, a chorus mute as oceans – violent as seas. When I cum I see an immaterial material — shot through, half-stricken, by the foment from which its foam forms – I see – I see . When I cum. Cum comes, like exertion pulling a cartless burden, sum unto nothing, flat likened

Nguyen imagines their cum as a key from, not out of, the closet – a liquid manifestation of polysyllabic symphonies, connotating nothing, but the violence at the schism between truth and, as they state it, exertion.

10 Day Journaling Challenge: Day 8

Inspired by an accidental subscription to a Skillshare class taught by Emily Gould. Read her old blog here.

I’m thankful for the reliable effects of chicken breast pan-fried in garlic and olive oil. I’m thankful for mushroom alfredo sauce bought for $2.12. I’m thankful for the mixing of butter, the sheen of boxed noodles from salted water, I’m thankful from the second floor corner office of The Hofstra Chronicle. I’m thankful to still nights and distant fireworks, to broad time, between stars and still air and places to rest. 

Today I noticed the square bases of new solo cups. “Up for anything” – squared based, less spills, more grip, less slip – the bullet points in the shape of a square and hand emoji. Today I noticed bonkers wildings, today I noticed a pile of written words. Today I noticed paralysis. Today I noticed things ignored. Today I noticed eating words eating words. Today I noticed a pierced veil. Today I noticed 3-D printing. Today I noticed staffs, the people and the fancy stick kind. Today I noticed gross relief. Today I noticed putting yourself first. Today I noticed the Christmas lights in my room. Today I noticed the curve of my eye. Today I noticed a couple things wrong with my teeth. Today I noticed a strange sticking sensation in between the molars. Today I noticed I thought maybe it was the chicken. Today I noticed chicken has hormones in it! Today I noticed perhaps I’m paranoid, but maybe it really does have effects on your body’s chemical composition. Today I noticed my housemate’s bottom right abdomen area. Today I noticed the area around my neck, beneath my chin – it’s been dry and flaky and like a leather chicken’s chin lately, I think I must have overwashed it. Today I noticed a pee-like smell from some of the clothes I left out too long, it must be a different sort of mildew – I put it back for another wash and two dries earlier today. Today I noticed the wifi was still out. Today I noticed I should probably just go to the office and apply to some things there. Today I noticed Parks and Rec is brilliant. Today I noticed Katie from CollegeHumor is brilliant. Today I noticed parts of my tongue and the taste of cold spit. Today I noticed features of my body. Today I noticed pains and aches that start in my brain and extend to the back of my head. Today I noticed sensations that blip in an out like missed signals. Today I noticed stretching is easy and easily the hardest thing you have to do to keep yourself okay and not dying from weird limb things. Today I noticed how many people had been in my car before.

Each day I’ll upload a post from the challenge involving the prompt “I’m thankful” or “I’m grateful” and “Today I noticed.” If you take up the challenge yourself, please share them with me! I would love to read and write together.