Doubt

when I feel lost I fall in love as a coping mechanism. The consistency of my crushes keeps me out of doubt. 

how do I turn away from the past? 

The pastor at my church used to tell me that I could be like him. Maybe I’m blessed. He used to say things like “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve,” and “you’re tall!” My uncle was also a pastor at that church. The pastor I guess. He could speak to many types of people. Old Vietnamese people were his specialty. He’d say to them, “Since five, Vinh* has been loving the word of God.”

*Vinh is my Vietnamese name, given to me by my grandmother. She’s now passed and the last thing she said to was to go to church every Sunday.

My dad goes to church now. Some Sunday nights growing up my parents would bring my sister and I to parties where the men would sit in the garage gambling and drinking beer while the kids and women meandered through the kitchen and living rooms playing games, watching movies or just gossiping. 

Once during a New Year’s Eve gathering some drunk uncle tipped a firework and the piece launched downwards. Sparks from the street reached the porch, but nothing caught on fire. Anyways, I texted my family today and my dad told me to pray to God everyday and that’ll lead me to success. 

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